Love?

I am a kind of sensitive person. I know that I long for people to care for long time. But until today I still haven't found one, or should I say, I have not been discovered yet. Sometimes I wondered, could it be guys scared of me? I don't know, and I wish somebody has the answer for me.

Him? We started with jokes and close dialogues. Yeah, he do tells me a lot of things about himself, but then I sometimes do question if any of the things he told me is true and not trying to impress me. But then, come to think of it, why do he need to impress me? Highly unlikely.
I always thought the relationship is up to good friends. Yes, I do care about him a lot, cause he allowed me to and he also cares about me a lot but only verbally. And besides in the office, we never sms or talked much on the phone. He has his own activities and I don't know what should I draw out a topic. Some times I can be mump as well.

But then the trip really makes me weighing my thought and feelings again. Why is he doing this? Merely friends? He has been very very caring with me. Never have I been this close with a guy before. Previous guys (friends) I have can be very close but there isn't such closeness (if you get what I mean). To a certain extend, he is almost like a boyfriend during the trip to me. We has been going around together in the whole trip. And he accompanied me wherever I go. Come to think of it, I really wish to have a guy like that to care for me. I feel so secure and happy (bahagia).

Good friends has been asking if we are together - not only Baby hippo, but also gayne and rachel. I actually thought before - "Is it that obvious?". He bought me lunch and breakfast which I never thought he would. Boy, I was over the moon with all the things he do. All this is not luxurious, but then it is already warm enough to melt my heart into half. I don't need him to buy me a diamond ring or a pretty dress, but the action counts.

But then, one thing he has not been mentioning or telling me so far is the girlfriend. I knew he has it, but he never mention about her before, not even in our conversation. So, what is all the secrecy about? If was a sad turn up to an almost perfect dream that I have. I really enjoy the trip and I do hope it is not a two days trip. But then I cannot be so greedy. Has he been anyway not honest to me? Or maybe all that he has done is solely for a soulmate?
Maybe because there is impossibility in us, that is why God created this fond memories for me. At least we had a moment of joy and happiness. But truth is truth and I can't deny it. He might be just taking me as a soulmate and he did has a girlfriend.

Oh, how I wish the girlfriend is not true! Maybe.. it is time to just laid back and let go..